It’s been a while since I posted Miscarriage Journey: Part 2. Two years and some change to be exact. After I wrote that blog I began feeling overwhelmed with grief again. At that point in time, I had just gone through a round of Clomid earlier that month and got pregnant with Penelope. The thought of losing a fifth pregnancy was terrifying. Not wanting to think on it anymore, I let the blog go for a while.

Third Loss

Following the second loss, we didn’t try again for a few months. I became pregnant again in late June. Before going on a family vacation to the beach we had an ultrasound that only showed the yolk sac but no heartbeat. It was the longest week and a half before the next appointment. Everyday I was hyper aware of what I was doing, eating, and drinking. We heard a heartbeat at 6 weeks, then lost him at 7 weeks. Two months later was another pregnancy, but from the get-go it was shaky. My HCG levels were tested every other day and after a few days the numbers weren’t good.

Fourth Loss

My husband and I were on our way to Cincinnati, Ohio to photograph a wedding when I got a call from my OB saying that she believed I was having my fourth miscarriage. The next day, in the middle of working a full wedding day, I began bleeding. The moment we got into the car to go back to the hotel, I lost it. Guttural, exhausted cries of anger and desperation. That was September 19th, 2020.

Next Steps

A few weeks later we see a fertility specialist for the first time. There were weeks of ultrasounds, bloodwork, and tracking my cycle. The last round of my blood panels came back and there was the answer we had been looking for. I tested positive for antibodies relating to obstetric antiphospholipid syndrome, which causes recurrent miscarriage by blood clotting.

With this information a plan was put into place. During my next cycle we would pinpoint when I would be ovulating. I would have a shot of Clomid to ensure a released egg, then begin taking progesterone about a week later to keep the little nugget safe. Three weeks later I had bloodwork to confirm whether I was pregnant or not. And I was. Immediately I started taking daily shots of Lovenox in my stomach to prevent blood clotting.

We were happy, but we were cautious. We were scared and tired and still grieving from the babies we lost before. But we were hopeful that this was the one.

Penelope Quinn was born September 19th, 2021 – exactly one year after our final miscarriage. She is beautiful and perfect and we love her so much. She’s the light at the end of a long, dark tunnel.